Programmed (Not) to Receive

Thoughts on why some people refuse the help of others and the effects on would-be helpers

Apologies to the Eagles for coopting this line from Hotel California and taking poetic license with it on top….


Difficulty with Accepting Help

I’d promised to write about the difficulty many (some would say most) people have with receiving vs. giving and something about this concept has been wriggling around in the back of my mind so here it is….it’s all about CONTROL. 

“People are uncomfortable with, or out-and-out refuse help because they want to CONTROL things. ”  You may quote me….

The Problem with Refusing Help

Why should it matter to the rest of us that people we could and would otherwise help refuse to ask us for our help and refuse that help if we offer it?  It matters because it’s in our human nature to want to be of service.  Helping others brings about blessings on the giver.  The denial of an offer of help is the denial of the opportunity for someone else to receive grace.

And if that’s not a compelling enough reason, here’s another.  There comes a point, maybe several points over the course, in a person’s life when he or she is not in a position to negotiate a n y t h i n g.  It’s at those times when you’re willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously LEAVING IT IN GOD’S HANDS.  To be clear, whether or not you personally believe in God you are by default, leaving it in His hands when you’re in a position of powerlessness.  Because there IS a God.  Period.

Problem for Would-Be Helpers

The ones surrounding a person in need of, but refusing, help are put in a powerless position as well.  We can see with our eyes and hear with our ears and just know from experience (and rational thinking) that someone needs help but they won’t acknowledge it, definitely aren’t asking for it, and vehemently refuse it when it’s offered.

In addition to the frustration that comes along with being put in this position there’s a level of anxiety that comes from knowing that when (not if, but when) things become critical or disaster strikes you’re on the hook for cleaning up the mess.  AND, not only cleaning up the mess but having to do so within a tight schedule and with limited resources.  Often the rescue is so much more costly, time-consuming, possibly heart-wrenching, and definitely a pain in the ass than giving the help would have been…think about it help-refusers.  This puts you in the unattractive position of being SELFISH when here you thought you were avoiding putting someone else out.  It’s true.

Advice for Some Would-Be Helpers

You too need to learn to leave it in God’s hands and this is vastly more difficult than it sounds, yet it’s absolutely essential.  Carrying around the responsibility for changing someone who refuses to change or refuses to be helped is robbing you of your own life.  Let me repeat that–If you spend all of your waking hours including staying up all night worrying about someone else you are sabotaging your own life.  You need to do the best you can then Let It Go.  To paraphrase an Al-Anon Recovery Slogan, “You can’t.  God Can.  Let Him.**with compliments to Lee Self, Keynote Speaker at the DC High Tech Prayer Breakfast.  You’ll be hearing more from me about this annual event.

May God Bless You!

Let All You Do


What’s in the (Oracle) Cards Today?

Crazy how difficult it can be to ask for help, isn’t it?


Yes, I pulled these cards for a reading yesterday, on Tarot Tuesday but I’m not pretending I wrote this up yesterday and never hit publish.  I’m coming clean with my procrastination/perfection issue (yet again) and moving forward…..

The Cards

Before drawing these cards from the Archangel Deck (Doreen Virtue), I asked my angels and guides for a specific message for that day and here’s what they sent me for a 3 card spread (the history, the current, the ongoing) in which I added cards from the “Whispers of Love” deck–

The Reading

I)  Indigo and Crystal Children – Archangel Metatron:  “You have a bond with children.  In particular, you can help children who are sensitive.”   For me personally, this message is reaffirmation that my most important role in life right now is Mother, and my children and their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being remains my top priority.

The Whispers deck gave up the “Ask for Help”, #14 card: “What is it you really need help with?  Be willing to allow yourself the support you need.”  This question may not be all that easy to answer, right?  If you knew exactly what it was you should be asking for it’d be a lot easier to ask for the right help at the right time.

II) Spread your Wings! – Archangel Ariel: “Do not hold back right now.  The timing is perfect, and you are ready to soar!” The thing I’ve been drawn to working on the most these days is my art – I’ve been painting every chance I get, nearly every day if not every day – and I find that if I make time for creative endeavors it energizes me to take care of the rest of the things that need my attention. I’ve been quite prolific over the past couple of days with what I’m calling my Easter 2016 Series, consisting of angel paintings, one of Jesus on the cross (very abstract) and the latest I finished last night with a Sacred Heart of Jesus theme.

From the Whispers deck:  “Choose Love”, #21 card: “You always have a choice as to what you should do.”  I couldn’t agree more!  Many times we feel backed into a corner but we always have options, particularly options about how to react to situations which often dictates our overall frame of mind and the things we do about whatever it is we’re facing.

III) Hello from Heaven – Archangel Azrael: “Your loved ones in Heaven are doing fine.  Let go of worries, and feel their loving blessings.” This one made me cry – I really felt it – have been thinking about my recently passed away godfather/uncle (it’s been 6 months!!!) and the fact that I’m still in a state of somewhat disbelief that he’s gone. Actually, just the “Hello from Heaven” was a really welcome message on this day.

Whispers then told me: “Love Who You Are”, #8 card: “You are a Divine and wonderful person deserving all of the wonderful things that life has to offer.” Bottom line (for me):  KEEP THE FAITH!

Sacred Heart of Jesus
The Sacred Heart of Jesus




ADD Ramble About Last Thursday

It was the day after I did my webinar….that’s usually a sigh of relief day and this one was no different.  I woke up about the usual time and interacted with the kids as they got themselves ready for school….bless their little hearts, they do that all by themselves since back in the day when Mom had already left for work by the time they got out of bed….

Before going downstairs to drink my hot water, lemon slice, apple cider vinegar elixir I shuffled around with my Archangel Oracle Card deck and pulled a card….got called downstairs for something ….got involved in something else – dust busting around my Boston Fern Project, replied to an email, thought about calling two of my mentors to update them on the career front, my latest art work-in-progress caught my eye and I decided to work on that for a little while then commence recruiting activities….went back upstairs for my phone and headset and remembered I’d drawn the Archangel card….I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried…this is an actual ADD morning in my life….Yes I drank my elixir, yes I chased it with a black coffee, yes I painted for a while, no, I didn’t get much recruiting done and I can’t recall what exactly got me off that track but here I am to tell you about that card….

I started out very focused and asked the archangels to let me know the most important thing I should focus on for the day and Archangel Sandalphon exclaims “Victory!  Your prayers have been heard and answered.  Have faith.”

“You deserve this time of victory.  Your unwavering focus and dedicating have resulted in blissful manifestation.  Peace and pleasant feelings are your right now.  (Hello!)  Let your focus be on this present moment, and savor each feeling and experience fully.  Know that the future is taken care of in a positive way as you allow yourself to enjoy the present moment.  Feel good about who you are and know that your success benefits others…..

Um, excuse me Archangel Sandalphon…Citibank has been calling and they’d like to know exactly how my success is going to benefit them in the form of a payment….

Background on working with Archangel Sandalphon – helps you speak your truth openly in a way that benefits everyone.  He assists you in living in integrity with your spiritual gifts of prophecy, healing and manifestation fully awakened.

I went a step further and consulting my Angel Numbers Guide about a number from my past that I’ve begun using lately. Without going into detail about my specific number I wanted to tell you that the meaning is that I am being assisted in staying positive in my endeavors and supported by God and the ascended masters in confidently following my dreams.  The particular number combo reduces to the number 7 which tells me that I’m on the right path and the outcome will exceed my expectations.  As well, the #7 is a sign that Divine magic is supporting me and opening doors of opportunity….well as my previous post indicated, I’m getting inquiries related to work opportunities that I never even solicited….people are finding me based on the information and the energy I’ve put out there about myself and what I do….These things are coming full circle.  I don’t know about you but I’m very excited about what the future holds….Thank you Archangel Sandalphon!

What’s Your Secret Sauce?

Do you ever stop to wonder about why you do some of the things you do (or did), and think–“what was I thinking” or “that made no sense whatsoever”?  Are you a person with many interests, always seeking and learning?  Are you on a clear path with this seeking and learning – i.e. working on an advanced degree or specialized training, or are you following some inner pull to explore new things, reason unknown or vague at best?  Do you feel stuck sometimes, comparing yourself to others and feeling like you don’t measure up?

I have; especially when I go down a path and realize that I’ve reached a dead end.  How I deplore backtracking and starting over.  But as a career-changer with no concrete plan for a switchover from my professional life to “something else but not this”, I’ve been trying different things – part-time work, taking classes, focus on home and hearth while contemplating all of it – and sometimes I’m up and some days I’m down.

Being one to pray, contemplate, and meditate about all of this, I’ve become aware that my years of amassing art supplies, taking in-depth art workshops focused on mixed media, the pull I feel to write for this blog mixed in with years working in a fast-paced professional services environment (think always on call, always ready to put out fires or switch gears to work on something more mission critical), and teaching at a university, to name the bigger “stuff”, may have all been in preparation for what I’m to do next.

Me, being no friend to the virtue of patience, frustrated at false starts, and chomping at the bit to figure out how to make this all work for me NOW, am thinking what if all of this how it’s supposed to work?  Maybe all of the experience, training, interactions, down-time and supplies (!) have been simmering around in my big pot of secret sauce all this time.  I’m realizing that finding the right voice at the right time involves patience (my new BFF), faith, tons of paying it forward, reading, writing, contemplating, studying, practicing, seeking, knocking, asking along with some honoring and praising (the Lord) to bind it all together.

With all of these ingredients in the pot, how could I have the flame turned up high to boil furiously?  No, it has to simmer to reach its full potential and flavor.  This is what my contemplation and meditation have told me.

How about you?  Is your secret sauce just about ready?  Have you taken time to slow down your frenetic pace to listen to your inner voice that would guide you toward the next steps?

What’s in your cauldron? 3581312269_d179efa4d6_b

By the way, if you’re like me with a million things going on at once, always looking for a way to optimize my time but without much time to learn a new system or read up on what the experts have to say, you might want to check out this beta program for an app to combine project management with todo list improve your productivity. – See more at: Hello Focus


The role of faith in my life….

IMG_0292Faith plays a huge role in my life but I struggle to describe my faith to someone else.  I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith and have a strong affinity for the Church as it’s defined as “the body of Christ”.

However, I have loads of questions about the evolution of the Catholic faith from an historical standpoint as far as God’s intention vs. ideas of mankind or a group of “mens”, or whatever – and let’s leave it at that for right now.

What I can articulate is that for me my faith remains centered around one God – who is the Source of all, and an energetic body.  As my own faith has deepened and taken more shape I’ve come to understand that we are all connected to God/Source/Energy and to one another and that trusting in the messages I receive from Source has helped me to live a less stressful life.  What I mean by that is that my spiritual journey has led me to strong focus, belief, faith if you will, in the power or NOW and living with intention.  I’ve consciously and conscientiously worked on being present and not letting old hurts and disappointments hang over me like dark clouds; nor let fears of what might could happen in the future keep me frozen in place, afraid to fully participate in my life and the world around me.

I realize this sounds like I’ve left my Catholic faith and beliefs behind and gone to the New Age extreme but it’s more complicated than that and hence more difficult to describe.  So my purpose here was to answer the call of The Daily Post and tell you about the role that faith plays in my life and simply put my faith affects every part of my life in that I believe I am here on earth for a reason; I’ve accepted that a large part of my purpose is to be a parent and so I’m devoted to raising my children – providing for them and teaching them to be good people by providing good examples for them.

I believe that I have other gifts or talents that I’m to use for the benefit of others and it’s up to me to figure out the best way to do that.  Finally, I believe that as I’ve moved along my spiritual path I’ve grown as a person, become more self-aware (something I’ve always prayed for) and more content in my own skin. I guess a short way of saying it is that my faith is my anchor – and from there I go about my life.

How about you?

Can’t resist an opportunity to post a pic of my alter ego Sister Mary Chardonnay, that perfect amalgam of the sacred and the profane…Sister Mary ChardonnayI can never let any of my posts get too serious now can I?


Today’s “Mary, Queen of Angels Card” is…GOD

That, my friends, is the definition of faith…

It seems like a few days ago but I know it was at least a couple of weeks ago that I posted about the oracle card readings and posted a Mother Mary card for the day.

Alright, I’m bracing myself for the comments that “card of the day” means a new card every day…go ahead, I deserve it.  In fact, I need it to keep me honest here.

So without further ado, today’s “Mary, Queen of Angels” card for your insight and inspiration is….

From Doreen Virtue's
From Doreen Virtue’s “Mary, Queen of Angels” Oracle Card Deck, drawn Tuesday July 28, 2015


So if you’re reading this because something’s troubling you and your mind is trying like mad to work it out, our Divine Mother is telling you to put it in God’s hands and be patient while continuing to send up your loving prayers for everyone involved.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t see a solution to the situation on the immediate horizon.  That, my friend, is what faith means – surrendering your need to anticipate and control the outcome and letting GOD in to heal you and the situation. If that’s not in Wikipedia as the definition of spiritual faith then it ought to be, don’t you think?

Tomorrow there will be a “Goddess” oracle card in addition to our Mother Mary card.

Peace be with you this day!

We never know w…

We never know when our last day on earth will be. So, love with full sincerity, believe with true faith, and hope with all of your might. Better to have lived in truth and discovered life, than to have lived halfheartedly and died long before you ever ceased breathing. Cristina Marrero

Live in Truth:  

Be Who You Are

 Be True to Yourself

Be Genuine in all you say and do

Respect the choices and opinions of others

Put your Trust in the Lord Who Made You

Learn your lessons from the past then let it go

Do your very best everyday and have faith that God has a plan for you.

Dove (Photo credit: timbu)