The Queen is Back

As is to be expected, after a long silence I come out with the unexpected…

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and I don’t mean that in an arrogant way…I mean that I, as the Queen of my own Universe, Mistress of my own Destiny, Painter of my own Canvas….am fully back, present, ready to make things happen.

 

In previous posts I talked about the end to “Extreme Cocooning” and the “Glass Cocoon” Asleep at Annettes (2) the latter being when you tell yourself you’ve emerged but you’re really only half awake and still locked in there letting some things in but not really participating. So when I say “I’m back” it’s back as in fully present and with more focus than ever before.

The self-awareness and peace I’ve been praying for since I started on my journey are now part of who I am. My focus is compassion, love and service and I reject – but do not condemn nor waste time thinking about – that and those who do not serve me and my higher purpose.

When I go inside with intention I’m able to connect to my higher self – the piece of God the Creator in me – and when I am connected in this way I feel the energy of the universe inside and out.  It’s like I’m swimming in it; breathing it in.  All is beauty.  All is love.  And so it is

.Twin Towers

 

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An ADDiva Off Meds: The Glass Cocoon

Who are we really fooling when we live in denial?

Most folks who are struggling with situations or with life in general know where to look for inspiring stories of folks who made it through a rough patch and conquered the problem, the demon, the setback, the misfortune.  The focus being on the ultimate achievement of some success.

How about when the achievement is getting something accomplished in a single day…maybe just a single thing in a single day?  A little while ago I realized that despite my busting loose with my blog posting and focus on finding a full-time job and progress on getting the house de-cluttered I’d slipped back into my cocoon and if you’d asked me before I had the revelation, I’d have absolutely denied it.  That’s how I came up with the descriptor:  Glass Cocoon.  In the glass cocoon you feel that you’re on track and moving things along but the fact is that you’ve slipped back into some of the perfection/procrastination behaviors and are letting days go by without hitting any of your marks or checking anything off your “list”.

All I know is that I realized I was in there, I’ve emerged once again, and in forward motion yet again.  I closed the door behind me when I left in the hope of hindering a return to there anytime soon but it’s probably inevitable and the best I can do is recognize it sooner and hope out earlier next time and do better the time after that….the thing is that I’ve gotten even better than I had been about keeping up the facade that things are running smoothly and getting done and all is well. This is not a good thing because the one I’m fooling with all that smoke and mirrors nonsense is ME.

Thanks to Those Who “Get Me”

Stream of consciousness from one emerging from the cocoon and getting back in the gam

Can I just tell you that a million (at least a million) thoughts and ideas are swirling about in my head.  So much so that I don’t write because I don’t know where to start….I mentioned that before in a recent blog post.

So I’ve been asking for guidance about where specifically to dig the hook in and get started.  The message I received is to go to my blog stats and remind myself that my “An End to Extreme Cocooning” post about depression was one of my most popular.  Never mind the fact that my post from this past summer’s soccer camp – with the photo of Coach Kurt Gordon in  a clown wig – drew a a large number of viewers over the Thanksgiving holiday – I find this hysterical btw…thanks Coach Kurt.

So given the fact that I’m not interested in making Coach Kurt the Clown the main theme for my writing, we’re back to here…..extreme cocooning.

I have a great deal to say about this because I recently slipped back into the cocoon, all the while denying that anything was out of the ordinary with me.  That’s the tricky part about depression, isn’t it?

So where to start?  I think about things, and think that I should be writing them and then I worry about providing context about what I’m saying and then I just don’t write at all.  Well I’ve been fighting this trend and here I am to say to my small group of followers and anyone else who should find me via searching “cocooning” “depression” (or even Coach Kurt, lol) – that where I want to start is by thanking those very special individuals in my life who just get me….those who don’t judge me by how quickly I return their phone calls or where I live or how I live or the color of my nail polish…..I am so very thankful for the individuals in my life who accept me for who I am without question and give me love and support.

I’ll be moving forward with writing more about Extreme Cocooning, Chestering Up, being more self-aware, how to take the steps you know you should take when you feel like hiding under the covers, etc.

Guidance has informed me that this is what I need to write about.  The thing that I know for certain sure withoutadoubt is that I’m an expert at being me – a non-perfect human being striving to do my best every day….with no interest in pretending that I have no flaws….being genuine.  Who’s with me?

I’d love to hear from you about whether I’m on the mark here or way off base…..

Please leave comments and let me know what you’d like to hear more about from me….I have things to say – it’s all pent up waiting to come out and I need your help to get things flowing…..

Want to hear more about chewing your way out of the extreme cocoon?

More about how to pick yourself up and dust yourself off after a disappointment?

The things that people think about but no one has the ))))s to say out loud?

Let me know and I’ll talk about it here.

And once again – thank you to those who provide unending support without any strings or hidden agendas – those who appreciate me for me….you know that I appreciate you for YOU!

Much love,

cj

 

 

Fighting Depression: Putting an End to Extreme Cocooning

A Cecropia caterpillar starting its cocoon.
A Cecropia caterpillar starting its cocoon. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Stress wreaks havoc with our bodies and like any other being, the older we get the longer it takes to recover from that havoc.  Being a firm believer that our thoughts and emotions affect our physical health to a very large extent it wasn’t a stretch for me to associate my shingles outbreak with job-related stress.

And it was’t the pain for me, it was the extreme fatigue.  I was literally worn out and given that not wanting to get out of bed is a symptom of depression I wondered about the connection there.  But something in me said this was different, yet no matter how much rest I got the fatigue went on for months and months.  And it really bothered me.  I’m too young to be bed-ridden or spend most of my day prone and yet my stamina was at an all-time low and I hated feeling so out of shape.

Don’t get me wrong, the rest was therapeutic AND necessary not just for my body but for my mind and my soul.  So if you think jumping off that hamster wheel is a piece of cake just don’t run on there until you get sick.  Better yet, try to just take regular breaks and really give you mind time to be free of thoughts that stress you out and bring you down.  It’s been difficult to forgive my self for the down time when I virtually hid out in my room whenever I was home because the clutter and noise in the house drove me to seek a quiet area where I was in full control.

I can see how people never halt and reverse this downward spiral.  I’m lucky that I have a lot to live (a full life) for – primarily, my children.  They are my responsibility and they need me and in general they’re cute and fun as hell so I get a lot of satisfaction from the parenting equation myself.  I managed to break free of the extreme cocoon before anyone around here really stopped to think about it and wonder if their friend’s moms spent most of their time in their rooms.  I did keep up appearances and kept the pantry stocked and meals on the table and tuition paid and all of that stuff that needs doing but only rarely was I fully available and that’s what I knew I needed to work on.

A huge factor for me, a perfectionist, to work on was accepting that I can always pick up where I left off or start over if I get off track and the ability to celebrate getting little bits done and enjoy the satisfaction of checking something off my “really want to get this done” list.  One helpful prompt came from my friend the  Flylady, who advises “Just do it”.  Not only does she strongly urge her followers to “Just do it”, she recommends using a timer which reveals just how much you can really get done in 15 minutes.  She even tells us that planning a weekly menu takes all of four minutes.  You have to be pretty creative to come up with an excuse not to do it, especially when you have done it and realize just how much easier it makes your day flow.

Over the summer, being home with the kids all day I gave them quite a bit of autonomy as far as their play time, tv time, video game time, etc.  They in turn cooperated happily with requests to pick up a few chores around the house and we managed to fit in several fun outings  and some volunteering.  No extravagant vacation this summer, just an old fashioned summer at home with swimming, bike riding, baseball, chalk on the sidewalk, watermelon and ice pops.

Since the kids returned to school I’ve resumed the straightening, organizing, de-cluttering activity around the house, caught up with the laundry in full, started planning menus and cooking more, and more healthy.  One of the little routines we have once or twice a week is that I have a fresh fruit smoothie waiting for them when they walk in the door after school.

I’m thankful that I caught myself in the cocoon and get myself out before I left my kids with the memory of the cocoon mom instead of the yummy smoothies and fun doing homework together!  Life is good!

Thank you to my small group of readers and followers – I especially love reading your comments even if it’s just you saying “Hey”!

God bless you all!!