Programmed (Not) to Receive

Thoughts on why some people refuse the help of others and the effects on would-be helpers

Apologies to the Eagles for coopting this line from Hotel California and taking poetic license with it on top….


Difficulty with Accepting Help

I’d promised to write about the difficulty many (some would say most) people have with receiving vs. giving and something about this concept has been wriggling around in the back of my mind so here it is….it’s all about CONTROL. 

“People are uncomfortable with, or out-and-out refuse help because they want to CONTROL things. ”  You may quote me….

The Problem with Refusing Help

Why should it matter to the rest of us that people we could and would otherwise help refuse to ask us for our help and refuse that help if we offer it?  It matters because it’s in our human nature to want to be of service.  Helping others brings about blessings on the giver.  The denial of an offer of help is the denial of the opportunity for someone else to receive grace.

And if that’s not a compelling enough reason, here’s another.  There comes a point, maybe several points over the course, in a person’s life when he or she is not in a position to negotiate a n y t h i n g.  It’s at those times when you’re willingly or unwillingly, consciously or unconsciously LEAVING IT IN GOD’S HANDS.  To be clear, whether or not you personally believe in God you are by default, leaving it in His hands when you’re in a position of powerlessness.  Because there IS a God.  Period.

Problem for Would-Be Helpers

The ones surrounding a person in need of, but refusing, help are put in a powerless position as well.  We can see with our eyes and hear with our ears and just know from experience (and rational thinking) that someone needs help but they won’t acknowledge it, definitely aren’t asking for it, and vehemently refuse it when it’s offered.

In addition to the frustration that comes along with being put in this position there’s a level of anxiety that comes from knowing that when (not if, but when) things become critical or disaster strikes you’re on the hook for cleaning up the mess.  AND, not only cleaning up the mess but having to do so within a tight schedule and with limited resources.  Often the rescue is so much more costly, time-consuming, possibly heart-wrenching, and definitely a pain in the ass than giving the help would have been…think about it help-refusers.  This puts you in the unattractive position of being SELFISH when here you thought you were avoiding putting someone else out.  It’s true.

Advice for Some Would-Be Helpers

You too need to learn to leave it in God’s hands and this is vastly more difficult than it sounds, yet it’s absolutely essential.  Carrying around the responsibility for changing someone who refuses to change or refuses to be helped is robbing you of your own life.  Let me repeat that–If you spend all of your waking hours including staying up all night worrying about someone else you are sabotaging your own life.  You need to do the best you can then Let It Go.  To paraphrase an Al-Anon Recovery Slogan, “You can’t.  God Can.  Let Him.**with compliments to Lee Self, Keynote Speaker at the DC High Tech Prayer Breakfast.  You’ll be hearing more from me about this annual event.

May God Bless You!

Let All You Do


Abstractions – More New Paintings

Lots of balls in the air but progress being made!!

Original Artwork at Affordable Prices

Still busy painting (and not writing much), still refining my photography technique for listing photos, still planning to pull everything together on my art website but I’ve managed to list a number of new paintings recently in my Etsy Shop:  TheCSweetShoppe


If You Love the Design But Not For Your Wall

One of the next thing I’ll be doing is making some of the paintings available as framed art prints , throw pillows, greeting cards, cell phone cases, and more on The C-Sweet on Society6

For example:


I feel as though I’m walking down the road while spinning plates on a stick and it’s really slow going but progress is being made!

****Featured image from Plate Spinning Dog



New Paintings Listed in My Etsy Shop

Finally put down the brush and uploaded the images!


One of the things I find challenging is managing the full-spectrum of the work that I do.  By that I mean working on my paintings or painted furniture, taking high quality photos of each item to post for sale, writing up the descriptions and activating the listings on Etsy, Facebook, Craigslist, my art website, etc.

Well lately I’ve been painting up a storm and have just listed most but not all of my recent works in my Etsy Shop.  Fortunately, through the ability to link social media I got to crosspost on Pinterest with notices to Facebook and Twitter at the same time.

I really need to get my art website up to snuff and running but I’ve been having too much fun throwing paint around!!!  With this good start posting 9 new paintings on Etsy just now I’m inspired to get the rest listed once and for all – so watch for 4 additional new paintings plus listings from my pod series of paintings done earlier this year.


I’ve Been Busy…

Check out cottage chic handpainted furniture …

Just not with blogging….what’s had most of my attention these past weeks (besides travel soccer – thank you FC Virginia!) is PAINTING, PAINTING, PAINTING!

Painting what, you say?  Painting furniture.  I sold my first piece, an adorable little side table that I would have loved to keep for myself – but alas, I’m in use it or lose it mode and don’t have an immediate spot for it.  Here it is if you’re into “Cottage Chic”:clematis table 1

And if you’re into a big more daring, bold pops of color I give you my Doodle Pattern Chair currently listed on Craigslist (northern Virginia) and my Etsy Shop CJ’s Funky Painted Chair and here she is:

Doodle chair 1

New Designs for iPhone Cases

I just made some of my most recent (and favorite) paintings available as art prints (framed or unframed) as well as on phone cases and greeting cards..Check it out on Society6

I Painted Sicily Over the Weekend

Actually it took a bit longer than a weekend…

This is a piece I did for a dear friend of mine who grew up there and goes back to visit family every chance he gets.  When I met him and worked for a while as hostess in his restaurant, Lucia’s, something just told me that I had to paint a picture of Sicily for him one day and the day came and I delivered the painting yesterday.  He loves it!  Yay!

This piece is mixed media – acrylic paint, ink, paper collage, and acrylic stucco medium on a cradled birch wood panel – my favorite thing to paint on, btw – and best part is the finished pieces don’t require framing.  The dimensions of this piece are 16″ wide x 8″ high.

I love painting these cityscapes, especially when they hold special meaning for the recipient.  I’ve done two of Paris and now this one.  If you’re interested in a painting of your hometown or favorite city please reach out to me via email to discuss:  Cynde’s Contact Info



Hearts & Flowers To You

Visit my Etsy Store….

New Paintings for Valentine’s Day in my Etsy Shop!

The CSweet Shoppe