That @#$%^&* ; Dog!!

isn't he the sweetest????
FTWD Sunning Himself on a Beautiful Summer Day

FTWD (Fernando the Wonder Dog) strikes again….or I should say here’s another story about FTWD b/c he’s struck many times since I last wrote about him….

Today, back yard muddy as hell he’s all riled up when I let the 3 of them out so I play around with him a little getting him to burn off a little steam.  I figured better out here than inside my house where he gets on my absolute last nerve when he’s jumping around a small-ish space trying to make some fun for himself. So he gets those big meaty paws good and muddy – I man GOOD AND MUDDY, got that?

So I figure, ok go get a fresh dog towel (what’s that?  what’s a dog towel?  you don’t have dog towels at your house? come on……) fresh dog towel – check; paw plunger (paw plunger= receptacle that resembles a gigantic plastic mug with brushes inside that you fill with water to wash the mud off FTWD’s paws)filled with fresh warm water for him’s majesty’s foot bath and off I go in my work clothes, mind you – totally against my better judgement there but I figured if I had this large, fresh out of the laundry dog towel I could protect my clothes with that – right?

ok, so first off FTWD aka that @#$%^& dog thinks I’m still playing and won’t come.  This is somewhat typical even if you weren’t playing around with him to begin with;

next, I take hold of his collar and seated with large clean dog towel covering my lap and down my legs, put one of his foots into the nice warm water.  I think he liked it b/c he gave my hand a little lick. Maybe that was just to show appreciation for the warm vs. cold water.

1st paw comes out practically sparkling clean and I dry it off with large freshly laundered dog towel.  We move to the 2nd paw – his other front paw.  Washed, dried with large freshly laundered dog towel, done.  Now the hind paws are rather tricky b/c for me FTWD tries to assume a seated position when I go for one of his rear paws however I get that sucker sparkling clean and am drying it off when FTWD backs away from me and gets away.

now he’s prancing around on the muddy patio – no real disaster there but I’m not happy – and I call him sternly and tell him to

On a lovely day there is nothing like a glass of chardonnay out on the patio before dinner....
On a lovely day there is nothing like a glass of chardonnay out on the patio before dinner….

COME! and at one point he paused and looked off into the distance as if to say “I’m not deaf, I’m ignoring you”, then he resumed prancing, then he took it off patio and back into the mud.

Last straw – I literally threw in the large freshly laundered dog towel and told him he could just stay outside by himself until his Daddy gets home.  Kate relented – cleaned his paws again and let him in.

I had flecks of mud in a couple of places on my off-white blouse….LESSON LEARNED

THAT #$%^&* DOG!!

Oh, and just so you know what a large freshly laundered dog towel in a light color does to your dark dress slacks….if you’ve ever eaten out in a nicer restaurant, i.e. white tablecloth and found a bunch of lint all over your lap from the white napkin – yeah that’s what a large freshly laundered dog towel in light color does to your dark dress slacks only in this case it was waist all the way down to the ankles.  I was disgusted.

A word to the wise:  2 school age children plus a 3-pack of boxes, one of which is a Wonder Dog leads to drinking, sometimes to excess…..just sayin’



  1. Ok, I get the dog towel because we have several of those. Is the paw plunger real, or is this something you’ve invented for which you need a patent? I’ve been telling my husband there is some contraption I’ve seen somewhere for that. I used an old water bowl filled with warm water, dipped the paw, dried it off, and proceeded to do the same for the other three. But I hear what you’re saying. Our dog is a German Shepherd/Great Dane mutt and his paws are ginormous. I often find clumps of dried mud throughout the house, like when you get mud in the crevices of the sole of your shoe and then it dries and deposits dirt everywhere you walk.

    • I didn’t make up the paw plunger – I got it at Plow & Hearth last December – just looked at the site and they don’t have it listed. Your idea is just fine but you’ve got to get between the toes – made more difficult if the dog is ticklish – dried clumps of mud I could handle with a dust buster but these guys leave muddy paw prints from the back door through the family room and into the kitchen – ceramic time floor. Do yourself a favor and stop at one large dog – I love mine to death and if I had unlimited time, space and cash-ola I’d have a 30 pack but alas…..I do not,

      • Thank you! I knew I had seen it somewhere! Well, he’s actually the granddog, but he’s been here for three years. I must be in denial… but I will never have another big dog again. The thing is, no one around here even notices all the prints that are throughout the kitchen, etc. Except me, and it drives me crazy! If I lived on a farm, it might be different.

    • p.s. in our house – aka the one headed by the floor fanatic (from Canada) we do not wear shoes in the house….one might think my floors would stay clean…not so due to the 3 pack and the dirt they drag in despite the large dog towels….it’s a constant battle!

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